Experience Music Project - Originally Published 2009

Paul Allen has a double blessing going for him.  First, he has a ton of cash.  According to some rankings, he is the thirty-second wealthiest man in America.  His second blessing is that he is about as anonymous as a co-founder of Microsoft could ever be.  Think about this for a second.  Would you be able to pick Paul Allen out of a lineup?  

So let’s discuss Paul’s money for a minute.  How much does he have?  He’s a part owner of the Seahawks, the Trailblazers, and the Sounders.  He owns the Octopus, the eighth largest yacht in the world.  And, he loves rock and roll so much that in the year 2000, he helped to open the Experience Music Project.

Never accused of being frugal, our buddy Paul commissioned Frank Geary to design the structure where the museum is housed.

So what exactly is it?  I wish that I had a press pass at the time, because it was a camera unfriendly location.  Inside, there are two museums:  The Experience Music Project and the Science Fiction Hall of Fame.

EMP houses the world’s largest Jimi Hendrix collection as well as a wing dedicated to the music of the Pacific Northwest, along with other revolving collections.  The SFHF has an extensive display of Sci-Fi memorabilia. 

I highly recommend getting there while they still have the Jim Henson exhibit on display.  It’s an excellent walk through the mind of a creative genius.

Velveteria - Originally Published 2008

The camera never blinks and apparently, neither does acrylic paint on black velvet.

Tucked away in Northwest Portland is a museum devoted to the adoration of black velvet paintings.  Carl Baldwin and Caren Anderson have amassed the world’s largest collection and for only a five dollar admission, want to share their passion with you.

There are well over three hundred paintings on view at any time that have been grouped by theme.  When we attended, there were nudes, celebrity, religious, unicorn, glow-in-the-dark, and Wild West.   However, they do have specific shows.  Most recently is one called “Black is Beautiful”.

The museum displays the art without any judgment towards the work or the artists.  The proprietors trust their patrons to evaluate the pieces themselves.  They have everything from the breathtaking to the flat out god-awful.

As an added bonus, if you can identify the celebrity in the painting hanging in the center of this picture, you can win a prize.  We guessed Cesar Chavez.  We were wrong.

Hollywood Wax Museum - Originally Published 2009

Included in the cost to the Guinness Museum is a trip to the Hollywood Wax Museum.

The figures here are a little questionable.  The one on the right is definitely Angelina Jolie.  However, who are the other two?  My wife said Mathew McConaughey and Jude Law.  Anyone have any other opinions?

Some just plain look beat up.  Take a look at Tom Cruise.  It looks like someone threw him down the stairs.

Poor Gwyneth has some bruising on her arms.  I bet the paparazzi will have a field day with that.

Midway through it, they throw the spiritually devoid tourists some old time religion.  There is a depiction of the Last Supper complete with crucifixion.

At least Kevin Sorbo makes up for all of the shortcomings.

Guinness World's Records Museum - Originally Published 2009

I don’t believe in the concept of hell.  There is a fundamental flaw about hell that the church overlooked when they made it up.  People get used to things, even terrible, horrible things.  I’m sure that it takes a few thousand years to get accustomed to burning in a lake of fire, but once you do it ends up being more an inconvenience than a punishment.

Take the Guinness World’s Records Museum in Hollywood.  This place is an abomination.  Yet, I would be willing to bet that most people have allowed it to blend into the urban landscape.  It sits on Hollywood Boulevard near Mann’s Chinese Theater.

For $17, you get a ticket to this place and one to the Hollywood Wax Museum across the street.

As expected, there is the usual assortment of freaky people, some of the longhaired variety.

Remember Lite-Brite?  This is the world’s biggest Lite-Brite picture coming in at 4’ by 6’.

One time my friend Scott told me that his grandma died because she was picking her navel and accidentally opened herself up.  He told me the tale as a warning.  I remember his closing words of advice: “Don’t do it because if it opens up, it’s impossible for the doctors to sew it closed.”

But I digress.  This picture sucks, but the words say, “Rotate the drum towards you to see if you know the right answer.”  The problem?  There is no drum.  This mistake was repeated throughout the museum.

See that black box?  There was supposed to be a television there showing an amazing clip of some kind.  However, no television and no amazing clip.  Way to go Guinness!

The plunger on the floor in this picture is supposed to make something blow up.  I don’t know what was supposed to blow up because it wasn’t working.  What’s the matter, Guinness?  Tough times mean that you have to lay off the maintenance man?  You customers want to know!

This has to be the wordiest museum I have ever been to.  If you like to read your museums, this is the place for you.  If not, I recommend that you just get the book at the library and save yourself some cash.

Ripley's Believe It Or Not Buena Park - Originally Published 2009

It’s kind of hard to describe who Robert Ripley was.  Basically, he was a cartoonist that traveled the world attempting to document the unusual.  If you ever are in Buena Park, you can stop by the Believe It Or Not Museum and take a look at what he spent his life pursuing.

Located on Beach Boulevard, the museum is almost directly across from Knott’s Berry Farm.

We have driven past this place hundreds of times, dismissing it as some cheesy tourist trap.  That’s Robert Ripley seated on the airplane fuselage.  

You see this?  This is a genuine Papua New Guinea penis sheath.  This is what convinced me that this wasn’t going to be the usual museum.

The first part of the museum is devoted to bric-a-brac that an early twentieth century explorer would collect in Africa and “the Orient”, such as a hippo skull.

 A quick word before you proceed.  This place is not pc.  If you want pc, go jump in the lake.  The old clips use words like “orient”.  Also, a portion of the display is devoted to displaying odd humans.

That’s right, odd humans like this guy who had four pupils.  This is not done in the name of science like The Learning Channel pretends to do.  It’s done because people enjoy looking at the unusual.  Just remember the lessons learned from Todd Browning’s Freaks and you’ll be all right.

There are also a number of other unusual items made by people, such as this picture made from dryer lint.

Or this copy of “The Last Supper” made completely out of toast.

Ripley’s is a great place to go on a lazy afternoon.  As you go through, make sure to count the number of items made out of human hair.